Country of Origin: South Korea
FML
Consumption
I know it’s been real quiet here for the past two years, but I was at my local Asian Grocer yesterday just doing my weekly shop when I saw something that completely stopped me in my tracks. Once I walked around the “Cleaning in progress” sign that blocked my path and got to the noodle isle I was pleasantly surprised with what lay before me. 3X Fire Noodles??? THREE? Hadn’t seen these before. You know we had to revive the page for one new review. We just had to.
Look, at first bite I was pretty confident. These aren’t so bad, pft. I got this. OK so yeah a little hot, alright. Still Fine though. And these taste like the fire noodles we all know and love! Let’s have some more. OK yeah these are quite hot. I see that. *wipes sweat from brow* Next mouthful; let’s go! OK what the hell. This is kinda uncomfortable. At this point its building up a bit and I’m getting an uncomfortable tickle in my throat. More sweat is accumulating on my head. I wipe it. With a towel. Oh man I’ve been down this path before. *Flashbacks to the 2x Fire Noodles* OK I can do this…I power through a bit more. At this point my eyes are a little hazy and I feel lightheaded. I don’t want to finish it. I have to for the review though.
After a bit of moaning to my co-reviewer, I had to force myself to finish the last mouthful. I use that term generously…”mouthful”…it wasn’t a mouthful…it was more like three, but there was no way I was going to go through the pain of those noodles touching my mouth again. Each mouthful was progressively more painful on the delicate rim of my mouth and I couldn’t risk any more nood on skin action in that area….So I shoved everything that was left in my mouth and called it a day.
I went straight for the fridge and grabbed the milk. Three glasses I drank. Wasn’t helping. Another glass. Oh thats nice. Wait, its back…what the hell…
Fortunately a concerned co-worker and good Samaritan walked by and recommended keeping the milk in my mouth. I told him I’m not that type of girl and there’s no way I can fit the whole bottle in but then I worked out what he meant… Great idea! I stood there for the next 5 minutes with milk in my mouth trying not to cry.
As I write this review now, 15 minutes after finishing them, there is still a burning sensation around my mouth, my nose still drips mucus, and the screen is slightly rotating as I look at it. These were definitely not for amateurs. I do not look forward to the regret.
Spicy but not the king.
Heat Level
Taste Level
The Aftermath
I will keep this as short as I can; the evening was not a pleasant experience. I thought it was all smooth sailing until about 8pm where I started to have sharp stabbing pains in my lower stomach region. I went to the old bowl of repent and nothing much happened. This re-occured a few times. Movement was eventually quite solid, with appropriate sting. The problem is, the stabbing did not go away. This confusion occured throughout the rest of the evening.
It’s now 11.30am and the pain is still slightly present. I’m not sure when this will end but while not the most violent of movements, this is definitely not worth it. I did not sign up for this. I wish this on no-one.
8 flames from me. I’m sure I’ve had worse but this ruined my evening and is making the morning quite annoying too.
First impression, not as sweet as the regular firenoodles, burn comes on quickly though similar to the 2x but after the first few mouthfuls, it is not like the 2x. At all.
Taste goes away and the burning becomes intense and then painful. Stomach starts wondering what its done to deserve this, become a little light headed. The noodles are a bit dry, so I had some water. It madethe heat more intense but the pain is already at max so it helps it go down even if it does make the lips burn more.
Towards the end, you figure thats enough. But that last tiny mouthful is enough to break you. Overall, flavour is meh but the heat and pain is max.
I expected much regret to follow. Other than stomach churning throughout the night, a ring of fire was thankfully avoided.
Still a solid 8 regret due to pain and discomfort
Overall Porcelain Punishment Level
